


Of Legacies and Overdue Books

by TheEdgeOfDeliriousness



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alex being a bad father, Angst, Character Death, Depression, Existential Angst, Hospitals, Reminiscing, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-07
Updated: 2017-06-07
Packaged: 2018-11-10 06:14:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11121537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheEdgeOfDeliriousness/pseuds/TheEdgeOfDeliriousness
Summary: Philip duels George Eacker at Weehawken and the Hamilton family already broken by the Reynolds affair shatters into even smaller pieces.





	Of Legacies and Overdue Books

**Author's Note:**

> So this has been up on Tumblr for awhile but I completely forgot to move it over so I'm very sorry.

When John had died years earlier of a gunshot wound to the side in a skirmish with British soldiers after the war was over, Alexander was devastated. The pain in his chest making him believe that no other could ever compete with it. He was wrong. 

Nineteen years ago, the creation of the new nation and his family pulled his attention away from John's death. Now, he had nobody to pull his attention away. His affair with Maria Reynolds had alienated him from his family and ruined any hint of a legacy he may have created for himself.

If Washington could see him now, the general would never be able to equate the broken and depressed man with his aide de camp during the revolution. The same writing that had brought him off the island had been his downfall.

If he hadn't written his account of the affair, Philip would never have been tempted to duel George Eacker and if he wasn’t so blinded by his need to be remembered he never would’ve sent him to his death.

But he had and now he was paying the price for it. His dear darling Betsey wouldn't look at him, so drowned in her grief. The children if possible were taking it even worse, their older brother and best friend was gone and they didn't know what to do or how to act. Angie who was usually so great at wrangling the little ones, was so devastated she was bedridden and when asked about her older brother, she would talk as if he was still alive.

~~~  
When he had received word that Philip had been shot almost a week ago he had collapsed, not wanting to believe the news that his brightest hope for the future was dying of infection in his sister-in-law’s front bedroom. 

“Philip!” He had murmured, racing into the house like a man on a mission but as he neared the room his son was lying in, he slowed down to a crawl, terrified to see what his advice for the duel had done to his eldest.

It was worse than he had pictured, his skin was ashen, there was a growing bloodstain on his side, and his left arm curled unnaturally by his side, useless. 

“Is he alive?” Careful of his broken left arm, he picked up the wrist of his right and tried to find a pulse, almost expecting to find that he had come too late, that he was already dead. But after a minute of searching, he found one, it was weak and thready, but it was there, and he almost fell to his knees in gratitude. 

“I would recommend sending for Mrs. Hamilton, if you haven't already. Mr. Hamilton, she needs to come quickly if she wants to see her son alive one last time.”

“I sent for her as soon as I heard,” he turned his head to look at Doctor Hossack standing in the doorway attempting to give them space, but he turned back to Philip when he let out a soft groan and moved in what looked like an effort to get away from the pain.

“I know Philip,” he whispered, moving his head closer to whisper in his son’s ear, “I know.”

A racket from the front of the house drew his eyes to the doorway in anticipation of who he knew would storm through the door in a moment.

“Where is my son?”

“Mrs. Hamilton, please.”

She appeared in the doorway, looming so much taller than her short frame “Alexander did you know?” Her eyes daggers that turned soft when she looked past him to Philip.

“Darling!” She was by Philip's side in an instant, one of her hand taking the one not held by Alexander himself, the other brushing the hair off his forehead. 

The touch must have awakened Philip from whatever fever dream he had been living. His eyes fluttered open, twitching from side to side, trying to focus on the two people surrounding him. “Mama?”

“I’m here darling, I’m here.”

“Papa? I did exactly as you said, but Eaker shot me anyway,” A wracking cough had Philip curling forward in pain, Alexander covering his mouth with one of his handkerchiefs. As he removed it, he blanched at the sight of blood marring the crisp clean surface. 

“Alexander?” Eliza watched as he raced from the room his face paler than she’d ever seen it.

Running into Doctor Hossack in the hallway, he slowed to a stop. “How long does he actually have?”

“I’d be surprised if he lived through the next hour.” The thump of Alexander’s body as he collapsed against the wall could be heard throughout the house. “Oh dear,”  
~~~

When he awoke he was lying on the floor in the hallway a cushion from one of the chairs in the parlor tucked underneath a spot on his head that was particularly painful. It all came back to him in a flash of memory, him encouraging Philip to duel Eacker, Philip being shot, Philip dying in a room right down the hall. 

“He’s getting worse.” From his view on the ground he could see three pairs of shoes standing around him, one of them decidedly feminine. It had to be Angelica, his lovely wife wouldn’t be away from Philip unless something horrible had happened.

He rose as quickly as he could, but rising from a lying position to a standing one was a bad one and the dizziness in his head forced him to grab onto Angelica’s arm before he fell over. “Come on I’ll take you back into the room.”

She led him back to the room, her tear-streaked face an uncomfortable reminder of just what was happening. His son was dying, might already be dead. 

Through the opening of the door, he could see Eliza draped over Philip’s torso, sobbing. Doctor Hossack checking his pulse with one hand and checking for his breathing with the other.

“Philip!” 

“I’m very sorry Mr. and Mrs. Hamilton.”

~~~  
“Papa?” A small voice roused him from his sleep and for an instant his mind let him believe that it was another small voice calling his name. The owner of whom would never be around to call him Papa again.

“Papa?” The voice said again pulling on his hand that was outside the blankets of his bed. It sounded like the voice was crying and Alexander worked quickly to remove himself from the constricting sheets.

“What’s wrong little one?” Alexander asked pulling little Elizabeth onto his lap and then picked up the bear she had dropped on the ground in her hurry to get to him.

“I miss Philly,” she whimpered burying her face in his night shirt. He did too, and the fact that it was essentially his fault had not escaped his mind in the three days since the duel.

“I do too,” he hugged her close, glad that at least one of his children didn’t blame him for Philip’s death. 

“Papa?” She asked once she had stopped crying, “Will Mama ever be okay?”  
~~~

Alexander stood eavesdropping on his wife and sister-in-law. It was the day of the funeral and the first time Eliza had been up and about since the unthinkable had happened.

“Does he know about the baby?” That was Angelica’s voice and he could only imagine the two of them in the parlor, Angelica and Eliza standing close together, their voices low to avoid any young children or sneaky husbands to overhear them.

“Angie, I don’t know if I can trust him anymore. I thought I could but then his affair and how he somehow thought that sending our baby into a duel was a good idea. I don’t think I can.” Sniffles and little hiccuping breaths made him realize she was crying and horrified he turned to walk away. Not able to listen to the fact that he had ruined the only person he had ever loved.

~~~  
A sudden knock at the door had him jumping up from where he sat, head in hands. “What do you want?” He all but screamed at the person standing behind it, watching as the young lad about Philip’s age flinched back and looked like he’d rather be anywhere than standing in front of a grief-stricken Hamilton. 

“A letter from a Mr. Caritat, sir. About a Mr. Philip Hamilton.” The young man reached into his shoulder bag, retrieving an envelope emblazoned with the seal of the library of New York. “Thank you for your time Mr. Hamilton.” The door slamming in his face was his only answer.

~~~  
It wasn’t until after the funeral that he had time to get to the letter, carefully keeping it from his wife so she wouldn’t be worried. 

Mr. Hamilton,  
It has come to my attention that your eldest son, Philip Hamilton, was involved in a duel with a Mr. George Eaker and sadly has passed away. I must inform you that Philip had incurred a fine for the Iliad, which he had not returned within the sufficient time period. I’m sorry to inform you that this fine must now fall on your shoulders as our small library cannot let these small fees fall through the cracks as if we do it may come to ruination.  
Your Obedient Servant,  
H. Caritat

He almost began laughing, it was so like Philip to leave things to the last minute. Turning in an old library book, especially one that he knew Philip had pored over leaving notes all over his room. Of course he would pay it. What kind of father would he be if he didn’t? What kind of father was he at all? Always working with no time for his family, betraying them at every turn.This was all his fault and there was no way to fix it. 

Philip had ended up blowing them all away, but not in the way they were hoping. If his legacy was more important than his family maybe it would have been better had he never existed at all.

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally posted on Tumblr at @chuckisgod.   
> Come tell me what you think about this. Scream at me about how sad it is if you want. I love feedback and I’m always so happy to get asks from you guys. Ooh interesting factoids, Hamilton did actually faint when he heard about Philip being shot I just moved the timing around. Philip was actually brought to Angelica and her husband’s house after he was shot and he did actually owe a fine to the library of New York for an overdue book.


End file.
